Monday, January 30, 2012

Pouring my heart out...

This post has a lot in it... some good news, and some bad... so get a cup of hot coco or coffee and be ready to read....

First let's start with the bad... well, I don't know if I would necessarily call it BAD news... just some frustrating news.

I went to my doctors appointment Friday for what I thought was a medication refill.... as most of you know, I am on Synthroid because I'm Hypothyroid... I've been Hypothyroid for a few years now, so I know what the symptoms are and how to take care of myself. So as I was sitting there talking to my doctor, she asked me if I was depressed...WHAT?! Why would she ask me that?? I said no... and sat there and continued to answer her questions as she asked them. I told her we have had an extremely stressful year, and maybe that's why I just seemed down... but it still bothered me that she thought I was depressed. She said she wanted to check my blood levels for a few things and that she would call me with the results...  So after going to the lab to get my blood taken, and then onto the pharmacy for my refill... I went to the car and just sat there for a minute and cried. I cried harder than I've cried in months. All I could think was... "maybe I am depressed??? How can I be depressed and happier than I've ever been all at the same time??" ugh!

So... I called my mom and talked to her for a little bit and then laid down to take a nap... all this crying had given me a headache! I woke up to my phone ringing, it was my doctor with my blood results... ugh, here we go again... that's all I kept thinking... she told me that my Thyroid panel was double what it should be and that was most likely the cause for my depression, weight gain, lack of weight loss, mood swings, etc. WHEW!
She said to take 2 of my Synthroid pills and that I should come see her in 6 weeks and I should start to notice a difference between now and then. I started to feel a little better, but there was still something in the back of my mind... who else thinks I'm depressed? I don't want to appear that way, because I don't feel that... I have never been happier, so why would she assume that?!
So... yesterday after Andy came home from the gym I broke down... I hadn't told him about my appointment, I hadn't told anyone... I just said the appointment was ok and that I have to change my medication...  I was embarrassed. And the last thing in the world I want Andy to be worried about is if his wife is depressed or not! He assured me that no matter if I was 100 pounds or 400 pounds he would love me the same and that I need to focus on getting better and that will come with time... he reminded me that he fell in love with all of me, not just me on my good days... he just made me feel even more loved than he already does... and I am so very thankful for him. Thankful beyond words.

SO... there you have it... I am an open book, and I have never been one to say "I'm great" when I'm really not...

And here is the happy side of this post... we had a great weekend! Friday's appointment aside, it was very relaxing and just fun!

I apologize in advance for all the Daisy pictures, but that girl keeps a smile on my face... She just loves me no matter what... if I yelled at her for something she did 5 minutes later she comes and loves on me like it never happened, she's always SO happy when we walk in the door and greet us like she hadn't seen us in FOREVER, she will just lay there with me when I'm sad, she is a hand holder... yes, our dog likes to hold hands with us. Probably because she sees Andy and I always holding hands, so she thinks she needs in on that too :) Either way, I love her!

Our big girl LOVES to look out the window! She's so protective and has a BIG bark on her!

Posing for momma!

Don't judge, we let her on the couch with us. Not all the time tho...

I told her on Sunday "Daisy, this is a relaxing day that involves LOTS of sleeping"... she understood :)

Playing with daddy's old sock.

She fell asleep while playing :)

This girl LOVES to sleep on her daddy.

My most favorite wall in our home... our "Family Wall"... I LOVE it. I catch myself just starting at all the pictures... I love you family!!

I saw this on Pinterest, so this weekend I found stuff laying around the house so I made a mock one to see if we'd use it... (mainly to see if Andy would use it...)

and he does!! So now, I just need to make it a little cuter... like the one above. That will be my project this weekend :)

This is what I wrote for him... it's the little things people, the little things.

Well, Happy Monday everyone! I hope yours is great!

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